I was surprised about how I felt on the morning after the election — depressed, crabby and feeling a little hopeless. I felt better about 10:00 a.m. after having a little dark chocolate, but the feeling persisted.
It’s taken another day for me to fully realize just why. This election has been trying, to say the least for us all. I don’t discuss politics with my friends because I respect everyone’s views and my friends mean more to me than political viewpoints. After months of reports in the media of presidential candidate’s not very nice comments about each other and minorities, Mexicans, and women, I felt personally bullied — like I was back in high school with that abusive boyfriend.
Back then, the verbal put downs came with split lips and black eyes that I tried to hide because I felt I must have done something to deserve it. That’s what the boyfriend kept telling me and after a while, I believed it. Family members knew about the abuse but didn’t help me, so I had no one to turn to. It was an extremely helpless feeling that has stayed with me to an extent. I finally got that boyfriend out of my life when he got a red haired girl pregnant and married her. She had a supportive family to answer to and because of that, he wouldn’t dare desert her.
So the bully that he was got away with verbal and physical abuse, smacking me around without anyone to stop it until circumstances changed and he left my life. But he found me years later after I had married and moved to another state before internet searches made it easy to find people, which was chilling. When I heard his voice on the phone I was again the scared, lonely girl who felt worthless. But I’d become stronger since high school and was able to tell him we had nothing to talk about and hung up. I thought it was all in the past.
I realize now that after this election, I feel like another bully got away with saying and doing mean things, and it’s hard for me to think that he will now be President of the United States. It will take me a while to process this feeling of vulnerability, but I’m older and wiser now so I think I will succeed.
I’ll just add a glass of wine to go with the chocolate.